Källa: http://anti-joke.com
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Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What's worse than the holocaust?
women's rights........
Kid: Dear Santa, send me a brother!
Santa: Send me your mother.
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
A man wakes up in the hospital. A doctor says theres good news and bad. The man says tell me the bad first. The doctor says we amputated the other leg, we will amputate the other leg tomorrow. The man grew very sad. The man says sadly after whats the good news. The doctor says see that guy over there he wants to buy your shoes.
grab your girl shove your dixon cider
I was reading a book on antigravity, but put it down because it was boring.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
Why did the jew got to the grocery store?
Because he was out of milk.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I have a gun.
Get in the van.
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Whats green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
To whom.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff?
They were my friends.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Dave.
Dave who?
Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
we are both lawyers
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
" I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"
A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink.
"Long day?" the bartender asks.
"No, all days are 24 hours long" the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.
A: Knock knock!
B: Come in.
Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you."
So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind."
The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!
"The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.'
The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.'
"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded!
"So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.'
"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.
"The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'"
The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The police, your entire family died in a car accident